Damn Right Rubenesque

What makes a woman Rubenesque? "Quite frankly, beautiful women come in all shapes and sizes. And today, when most people think of an attractive woman in the fashion sense, they usually imagine a slim-hipped waif with hollow cheeks, narrow shoulders, and a rather unremarkable bustline. This is what commerce has brainwashed modern society into believing is the ideal woman. It is a lie, propagated by marketing forces and fashion designers who use the obsession with a slender female form as a means to earn millions of dollars selling weight-loss products and other health routines. But some of us know better. There is another female form that has been idealized for centuries. She is the familiar hourglass or pear-shaped woman of wide hips, an ample bust, plump cheeks, soft-full lips, and a generally healthy profile of alluring curves and crevasses. She is the Rubenesque Woman. Elegant. Cultured. Educated and Beautiful. In fact, the very word "rubenesque" originates from the adorable plump women so frequently put to canvas by Renaissance Master Peter Paul Rubens. Rubens paintings were so treasured because he painted the lovely women that he saw around him. In Ruben's time, what are today called plus-size, ample-bodied, full-figured, or pleasingly plump, were considered very attractive, if not the most sought after of all women. A firm heavy bust, complimented by shapely hips were physical features that women of Ruben's day could be proud of. In fact, the fashion of those times exaggerated these very features. Even slender women struggled into agonizingly tight-fitting corsets and brassiers that held the mammaries upright so as to enhance their God-given curves."

I love that reference: "Rubenesque". It's much more polite than saying fat, lol. So yes... I would definitely consider myself rubenesque. Does it matter? Sometimes I'm surprised when men find me attractive... but damn! I'm thankful there are a few good curve loving men out there. Or maybe.. size doesn't have a thing to do with it? Are there somethings that transcend appearance? What do you think? Have you ever been attracted to someone "unexpected"? Someone you "normally" wouldn't be... someone outside the typical. Did it surprise? Open you up to more possibilities? Would you NEVER be interested in some who isn't "thin", "socially acceptable" someone you wouldn't "bring home to meet mother"? Hmmm....

Don’t you hate it when someone lies to you??? I know I detest it. Now, this isn’t to say I’m perfect and that I’ve never lied, I have. Haven’t you? Haven’t all of us?

So here we all are, online, where anyone you communicate with could be anyone! They may not be who they say they are, a woman could really be a man, a man could be a woman, and someone who says they are tall could really be short. We’re all here for our own reasons, and some of us are very honest, and some of us are not.

Duped, Hoodwinked, Scammed, Mislead, Fooled, Beguiled, Bamboozled, Deluded, Deceived, Tricked, Betrayed and Bluffed.

Don’t you hate it when you fall into one of the above categories?

We have to make choices everyday. Some of us make great choices, good choices, okay choices, and bad choices. Our past experiences and our expectations and goals and desires all influence how and why and when we make choices. In order to make choices, especially good choices, we need information. Information helps us decide what to do, what to believe, and guide us. So what happens when you are given false information? You got it, you don’t make the best choice for yourself, or others… and you fall into one of the above categories.


o Liar
o Charlatan
o Scum
o Faker
o Beguiler
o Misleading
o Fraud
o Impostor
o Phony
o Pretender
o Quack
o and yes, an Asshole

If you fit any of the above definitions, and you intentionally lied to benefit yourself, shame on you.

I guess I often fall into the category of being duped, etc. Sometimes I forget that not everyone is as honest as I am. Sometimes I think I’m too honest. I give and reveal too much about myself. I should hold back a little more, and make sure the person I’m communicating with is “worthy” of my trust, and my honesty.

I have an undying sense of Hope. I hope my days will be filled with kindness, I hope for a better future, I hope for good times, I hope for love and friendship. Even when my hopes are dashed, the sense of Hope just creeps back. Just when I think I should give up all Hope, it always seems to come back. I can’t escape from having Hope. Hope is sometimes not a benefit, as I’ve been duped several times, and I’ve been very forgiving, too forgiving, why? Because I had hoped and believed that the person in question couldn’t possibly be that rotten, the deceitful, that misleading, that dishonest. Because I hope, I put my own needs aside, and let myself get taken advantage of. But I still Hope that one day I’ll be wiser. I guess sometimes I should just know better.

My Life Is a Daily Experiment In Bad Decisions.

And so it would seem.

I was laid off from my job earlier this year. I live in my parents basement. I am divorced. I am jobless. I am counting my pennies (literally). I am single. I am hopelessly single. I am afraid of my future. I am haunted by my past, well, some of it. You know... those bad decisions. I am a lot of things. I am mostly scared, and tired.

Bad decisions are like a snowball. What if that snowball starts to roll and pick up a little more snow? What if that snowball gains a little speed and heads down a long steep hill? Well, you're smart enough to figure out where this analogy is going. I try to figure out how I got here. I am smart, intellectually. I am funny, and bright. I make people laugh. I have a good sense of humor, even if it is on the sarcastic side. I am sentimental, and moral. I am a lot of things. I am mostly tired of following the rules and not getting ahead. Being the good person doesn't pay the bills. To be fair, I am also opinionated and moody. I show my emotions, I often think I'm right, and I like to be in charge. I am easily depressed and frustrated. I am a dweller and moper. I also try to get over it and move on.

Bad decisions are like dominoes. You knock one over, and it knocks the next one over, which knocks the next one over, and so on. You're smart enough to figure out where this analogy is going. I have made a lot of bad decisions in my life. To be honest, a lot of them have been about, well.... men. Perhaps, to more direct, not so much men, but love. Actually, those bad decisions have been made for the pursuit of what I thought was love. Looking back, I feel emptiness about those men. I feel foolish to have wasted that time and energy. I feel foolish to have made those decisions to move, to take a job, to live with or marry someone for what I thought was love. I suppose I thought I would get what I was giving. I got it all wrong.

I should have spent more time making decisions that were good for me, and not decisions that made me available for someone else. I should have made decisions that focused on my career, my life, my finances, my education, on me. Indeed, I should have known better. Yet, here I am, in my parents basement. A few years after a divorce from a fairy tale marriage and a nightmare ending. Still here after loosing a job that was a really a shield and an easy "out". A place to hide from my career as an Interior Designer. I chose to work in a jewelry store as a customer service representative because, to be brutally honest, I was afraid to fail at something else, after the failure of my marriage.

I should have known better. Yet, here I am. Any decision I make seems to be a bad one. I could blame the store that laid me off, the economy, the President, my parents, the men. I know where the blame lies. What do I do know?